Sometimes when we feel pain it’s not about ourselves even though it hurts like hell. My son suffers from metal, behavior and physical disorders. I feel like a complete failure when it comes to him. I can’t even keep the things for myself straight so sometimes I can forget to give him meds. That’s the worst thing in the world. Then he gets meds for one month and his next appointment is three months from now. I don’t even know how to go about getting more. I call the clinic I don’t know how many times a week trying to get answers to no avail. They just keep telling me that I have to see this doctor in three months. His counselor that I loved who said that he would be available and to try to reach him at anytime. The one who further proved his point by giving me his cell phone number. He seemed to connect with my son and was excited to get to work with him. After two visits and a call in sick I have not been able to get in touch with him which has been at least three weeks. Then I fall more ill than usual and it’s the start of school which he hates.
So of course again two days before his 1st mental doctor appointment and his 2nd treatment plan. His mood disorder goes into overdrive and he ends up in the mental hospital one again. I wake up to him calling me and catch myself calling him in the middle of the day . Then tears drown my face and my heart aches because I feel like I placed him there. I know that I can’t chase him when he runs away, I can’t hold him down when he wants to fight not me but himself. So what else can I do?
From where do you suppose his anger stems? Do you think it comes from your being so sick? Were you on any medications while pregnant w/him? I also have fibromyalgia so I can relate to the physical pain that you're going through. The only thing that gets me through is "holding on to God's unchanging hand" and knowing that I'm His child!
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