Good Girl
How long am I suppose to be the good girl?
The one that always gets shitted on.
But keeps the smile on her face just the same.
To be hunted by her tormentor and he’s not even dead.
Speak they ask and she does,
Care they ask and she does,
Pray the ask and she does,
Even though it kills her inside a little every time.
First she was raped and told that she wasn’t.
How could they know they weren’t there?
Then pushed aside for the sake of the children.
Wasn’t she to a child?
She was before that Bastard took that from her too!
Does anyone care about her feelings?
Does anyone give a damn?
Hiding in the corner trying to forget the embarrassment.
But she can never live it down no matter how hard she tries.
Every time she lays with a man it plays in her head
Pain she wants to forget but she doesn’t know how.
It’s compound by the fact that she has to be the good girl yet again.
Comforting, and sympathetic while people speak proudly of what a good man he is…
My chest is bubbling over in anger!
I have forgiven him but not the situation!
Not the Fucked up sexual situations that I ended up in.
Not the hatred that I feel for myself!
Not for the relationships it has ruined!
Not the memories that plague me!
I am tired of holding it all in!
Acting like there is nothing wrong,
When all the while there is.
When do I get to let my pain out,
To let it go without being the bad guy?
It shaped my life you know.
I can never put myself first
Someone always comes before.
And I’m tired!
Tried of being good!
And tired of the abuse!
So I ask again How long am I suppose to be the good girl?
-Cookie
