2011's New Year’s Resolutions

Ok It’s that time of year again to prepare New Year’s resolutions. I thought I would share them with you all because of course we are of course closer than close. Lol. Well here we go.

The Year 2011 Resolutions

1. I resolve to think and work more on myself than all the people around me.( I know that this makes it sound like I’m selfish but I assure you that I’m not. It’s just the opposite I spend so much time worrying about everyone else that I hardly ever put much attention on myself which is why I made the resolution number 1.)

2. I resolve to work and pay more attention to my health. (For those of you who don’t know I just got diagnosed with heart failure then I was told that I didn’t have it now I’m getting a third opinion. So I am thinking more about what I can do to make myself better.)

3. I resolve to be a better Christian. (To keep God the head of my Life.)

4. I resolve to be a better parent. (I want to help with homework more, spend more time with, have more fun with and set him straight more.)

5. I resolve to take better care of my house. I want to carve out a little time everyday to clean something. (My apartment is a mess and I really have to work on it but it’s hard for me to do. So I do want to work on it but I have to realize that if I can’t do it I can’t do it.)

6. I resolve to write at least three times a week for at least 30 minutes a day. (It doesn’t matter if it’s a poem, for the book or for the blog as long as it writing.)

7. I resolve (to piggy back on number 6) to finish my book this year. (I have been working on this book forever and I want to finish it this year.)

8. I resolve to prepare myself for the person I am going to marry. (I already talked about part of it with the upkeep of my house, but I also want to learn to cook different things, do different things, and open myself up to new experiences.

9. I resolve to take better care of my hair. (I have just been getting really lazy with it now that it’s so long I just have to find time to do it.)

10. I resolve to be a better family member and friend. (I want to be a better help to those around me.)

The family Curse

11/26/10

I know that this blog is about a black woman living in pain but I would like to remind you all that pain doesn’t just come in the physical form. With most families celebrating thanksgiving yesterday I know that most of us are thinking about our families and how much of ourselves we see in them. The pain that I felt yesterday was very emotional.

My aunt who is my aunt by marriage has Alzheimer’s and it’s pretty progressed not to mention that fact that she is in her late 80’s. Needless to say she has lost the ability really to move herself and she stays in the bed most of the time. My mother who works very hard at her day job then rushes home to take care of my aunt and she is sick herself. She is exhausted all of the time yet she has to do what she does because no one else is going to do it. Don’t get me wrong we help out when we can but my mom knows how to do what needs to be done.

That’s on one hand on the other hand we have my maternal grandmother who has moderate Alzheimer’s but refuses to accept the diagnosis and the prescription. Hers is not as bad as my aunt’s but it is bad enough where you have to have the same conversation with a couple of times because she has forgotten that she has just talked to you about it. Let me let you in on something about my granny; she is very umm let’s just say strong willed (to put it mildly). If any of you all have worked with, know of, or are a senior you all know that they are strong willed enough all by themselves. Well my Granny has been strong willed since birth and it gets stronger ever year and the more this thing progresses. Of course since my mother has her hands full with my aunt I have the pleasure of taking care of my granny. Going to the doctors with her and handling her meds and health insurance.

We just found out recently that she had Alzheimer’s but we have suspected for a while. I was speaking to a health professional about it because it runs heavy in my family and she shared some information she had received from a magazine article; which said that most of the time the people who take care of the people with the disease end up getting diagnosed with it themselves. So needless to say I am already scared because I know that my aunt has moments where she gets really riled up and she started off as the easiest to get along with person, so my granny is already hard to be around and I know it’s just going to get worst as time goes along especially if we can’t find a way to get these meds in her. Then to add to that I am thinking about what will happen to my mom once she gets older because she already is sick herself plus if this thing keeps running thru us (my family) like it’s doing then the chances are that her and I will get this disease are high.

You all know that I am in pain a lot but this kind of pain is breaking my heart. I almost can’t bear to watch this curse called Alzheimer’s rip thru my family that way it’s doing but I can’t let the pain stop me because it’s all hands on deck. I don’t really know how I am going to do this yet but it must work itself out right?

Shedding tears

A black woman living in pain

ER Visit 9-23-10

Ok here it is 4:12 in the am and I am in the ER waiting room writing my blog entry. Hopefully I will be getting picked up soon by my Bro-in- Law. By the way I love him. Good looking out Bro-In-Law! I have been here since 3 in the afternoon. When I got here they told me that I had four people ahead of me. Then after they called ten people they told me that I was next. So at 7:30pm I was called to the back. After being stuck 8 times they finally got an IV started. Damn my small, non-existing veins! After that painful ordeal and three Tylenols they sent me to get a cat scan of my head …

Let me take the time to tell you all what has been going on with me that brought me to the ER in the 1st place. Friday I woke up with this killer migraine and after handling some business at my son’s school the day went from bad to worst. Before I could leave the school he was rushed to the hospital. After being there all day and night my migraine got worst and worst. I took Tylenol, and Tylenol PM but a last nothing happen. The next day I took Percocet and that didn’t do anything either. Something else also started happening the second day, food started coming out of both ways. Not a pretty sight let me tell you. So every since then I have been sick. Tuesday I got really hot I mean sweating buckets in air-conditioning hot and I had been downing liquids like I hadn’t drunk anything in my life. Then on top of everything else I started getting super dizzy. I called my doctor’s nurse and she told me to go straight to the ER. So I did.

After coming back from the cat scan being hooked back up to the IV I was given more pain meds which actually helped. The meds knocked me out for about two hours. They woke me up to let me know that my INR was low but my Cat scan was ok. Then yet another doctor came in to tell me that I would be getting a MRI be make sure that I don’t have a blood clot in my brain. While I was waiting I fell back to sleep only to get awaken by the nurse given me shots and telling me that I had to go. What happen to the MRI? What if I have a blood clot? I guess I will never know. They release me at three something gave me some pain pills and that was that. They didn’t even tell me a diagnosis. I actually thought I was feeling better until I woke up and 11:21am with that damn Migraine again. I’m still nauseas , hot, and now I’m sneezing(although that could be because I’m in the fans because I’m so hot!) That’s the way it goes with me spend two days in the ER and it they still don’t know anything.
So I tried calling the ER this afternoon to get my INR since they didn’t tell me what it was and I was to drugged up to remember that was something that I needed to know. Of course I couldn’t get in touch with anyone but the second time was the charm is 1.3. Oh that’s right you all probably don’t know about the whole INR thing. Well in addition to having Fibromyalgia I also have Lupus anticoagulant disorder it is a disorder that causes clotting of the blood. I have had three pulmonary embolisms because of it. Your INR is how quickly or slowly your blood clots. The lower it is the more it will clot the higher it is the thinner it is. My goal is to have my INR between 2.0 and 3.0. so 1.3 is pretty low.

Now I’m waiting to hear back from my doctor’s nurse so that I can tell her all about my experience at the ER. Oh wait she’s calling… She says that’s crazy that they did me like that at the hospital she wants me to come in to the doctor tomorrow to get my INR taking again and then on Saturday to see the doctor. So let’s see what this makes my schedule look like… Friday I have to go get my INR taken in the morning have my son at his doctors’ appointment by 12:30pm back at my house by 3:30pm to get my C-Pap. Then back to my doctor which is by the way across town on Saturday morning at 11:40.
Well I have to get to doing some other things. Chat with you all later. Oh and please comment.

A black Woman Living in Pain

Hairy Situation

It’s me again lord praying to you asking you to please give me the strength to deal with everything going on in my life. I want to be able to get better and I trust your will to be done. Aman.

I tried to take a shower the other day, seems like a simple task right? Well not for me. There are a couple of different types of showers that I take. There is the quick do nothing but wash my body shower, a wash body and hair shower, a shave and wash my body shower, and a total shower that consists of all the above. Well one day last week I was attempting to take an all of the above shower and it didn’t quite work out that way. ..

I was hoping and wishing that I would go out on a date this weekend so I called myself getting gussied up. Going to make sure that everything was all clean and smooth. So I washed my hair and put the conditioner in and went to shaving; underarms, arms, then on to legs. Well needless to say I made it all the way through most of my routine down to one leg and this pain hit me in my back almost knocked me out. I tried to keep going but it wouldn’t leave and soon I could barley move. There wasn’t anything I could say but, “Ok body I’m sorry I am getting out.” So now I’m walking around with 3 out of 4 appendage shaved. I thought it was funny that was until the pain never left. Now here I am still hairy on one leg and my pain has gotten worst. I have had a migraine for 3 days now and it’s not your normal run of the mill hurts in the front of my head migraine. No, It’s the right side of my whole head can’t chew, can’t think, can’t even use the phone on the side of my head migraine. I have tried everything to get rid of it all the way up to Percocet and won’t anything take it away.

Well that’s all for today sweets. I will be back to you all soon with more ups and downs of a black woman living in pain.

New Beginnings

I could start this blog by giving you a whole lot of definitions about what I am living with that's causing me all this pain. But I do think we can save that later like when I don't have anything else to talk about. I will however tell you a little bit about this blog. I will basically give you all a glimpse into my life as I deal with pain. That means when people ask me how I’m feeling and I just say fine, I won‘t do that here. I will tell you how my pain plays a part in my everyday life from dealing with my son to dating. What I would like to accomplish with this blog is to spread awareness for pain disorders and everything that goes along with them.

So let’s just jump right in….

My whole body has been hurting like hell this whole week not like your usual aches and pains either. I’m talking about can barely walk, can barely sleep, can barely function pain. Does that mean that I get to just lay in the bed or sit down and chill? Nope. I had to go to the doctor on Monday and that would have been kind of ok if I didn’t forget to call for my ride and had no choice but to catch the bus. Did I mention that my doctor is on the Westside and I live on the Southside. How did I forget something like that because my memory is fried by this disorder. Really my mind is slowly ebbing away. Well not so slowly but more about that later. Then I had to take me and my demon possessed hip home in time to meet my cousin so that I could babysit her son while she took care of some business. Oh my niece came over and I had the famous batman and robin (my son and his brother from another mother). So if you have been keeping up that is 3 children plus my own makes 4. Let me add to this mix the fact that I had not went to sleep the night before. Why? Well on top of everything else going on I am a horrible insomniac. I love kids but you and I both know that they were busy and they are all different ages so they all want to do different things at the same time. I was already hurting and you can’t take a percoet while you are trying to keep a 9 month old from falling off a bed.

Needless to say that was a rough day but I have days like that. The pain is getting worst not better. I am already 27 and walking with a cane. I’m not writing this blog to complain. I just want people to understand. I’m not the only person suffering with Fibromyalgia and other pain disorders. People think that we are faking or overreacting to things that everyone feels or goes through. Well, I hope that though this journey that we are about to go on you can learn more about me and the millions like me.

Will you listen?