Just to give a little background I have many different ailments
including fibromyalgia, arthritis, sleep disorders, mental disorders, and
others. My son just six months shy of his 13 birthday is already giving attitude
on a 14 year old level. He also has ailments of his own including but not
limited to epilepsy, asthma, and mental disorders.
Now that we are all caught up let’s begin. Most people do not
understand that it is hard living life when you are sick most of the time. It
is even harder to travels life’s road when you have a child. When you have a
child living in pain however it is almost impossible to navigate the dangerous
trek of the mountain trail of life.
People seem to think that I am always sad in social media or
in my writings. When really I just express my real feelings which are usually
those that have been suppressed in my writings. People might find this sad oh
well it’s how I feel. Lately meaning for the past year every time I get over
one sickness something else happens. I still try to push on though. My son has
also been dealing with his own issues which as his mother become my issues.
Within the last couple of years his mental illnesses have been flaring causing
him to need more. I did what any mom would do I got him in with doctors and help
at school. I educated myself about what was going on with him.
Now that he is a teenager 5;7, 280lbs, and strong as an ox I
worry about whether I will be enough to keep him under control or not. He is
such a sweet kid and he has so much love inside him but lately he is just so angry.
Defiant he just doesn’t want to do anything that you tell him. He is even being
destructive tears up things like he is3. He doesn’t smile much anymore. It stresses
me out to no end. Stress does not help me feel any better. Of course there are
some days I want to throw in the towel but I know that I can’t do that. I am a
mother and I take my job very seriously. So I plan to map out what I need to do
like every day with him and myself. I have to revamp the way things are to make
things better.
It just hurts my heart to know that there is something
stealing his joy. So I will make my mission to return it to him. I just hopes
my body works with me. I am not going to lie though it is overwhelming, it is a
lot of work, and I am most likely going to need help with it but I just have to
get it done. When he disrespects me it makes me feel like the lowest of low. I
don’t know if that is why he is doing it or what I have done to make him so mad.
And this is just part of the story.
“Lord I give you thanks for all of the blessings you have
given me. I ask that you gave metal the strength and know how to deal with my
son so that I can shape him into the great young man he should be.”
Thru love
and pain,
Ablackwomanlivinginpain
