When did you figure out you were grown? There are a lot of people who throw around the phrase “I’m a grown ass woman” or “ I’m a grown ass Man” but that doesn’t mean a person is grown in fact most of the time if you keep saying it over and over then chances are you aren’t. That however is not what I mean. My question is when is the moment or series of moments where it’s like, “Wow I am really grown, I am an adult.” I believe that I am going through one of these moments right now.
You would think that after having to go to school from early morning to early evening while with child your senior year in order to graduate on time. Or having that child and taking care of him while finishing high school and going through a few years of college and work would make an adult out you. Or moving out on your own that should do it right. Well I have done those things. Worked a full time job and all of that. However I never felt as adult as I do right now as I go through the process of planning a wedding.
There is a lot to think about when you say yes to an engagement. Mostly the He has to think about giving up his so called “freedom”, running a household with me, stepping into a ready-made family, helping to provide for that family and taking care of me for I don’t know how long (because of the disabilities.) Now that is a lot to be concerned with however I have to think about all of that plus planning the wedding, I have to introduce this man to my son as his father figure instead of mommy friend and pray that it’s go over well. I also have to deal with his preconceived notions of what a woman is and how I’m suppose to act, I have to back him up, and show him how to treat and relate to me. Needless to say we have work to do.
Then when I started to realize that once I do this there is no going back to non-adulthood I started to tread a little more slowly like I was walking on thin ice. I started to move a little more slowly. Then in true God fashion He speeds everything up (because everything runs on his time not ours.) So I went from planning something in one year to planning something in one month. Don’t worry we are getting pre-martial classes before and I try to talk to lot, so that we communicate better…
Sorry about that back to adulthood… You can’t be married and go running to mommy about everything or at least you aren’t suppose to. People still do but we aren’t talking about them. We are talking about the Hollywood movie fiction books adulthood. Is that really adulthood? The first piece of advice that people will give you is don’t talk about what is going on in your marriage with family and friends. That you are suppose to leave it between you, your husband, and God. I understand that in theory because if you talk when you are upset that will make your family upset with your husband even after you and him have gotten over whatever the problem was. Then if you talk about how good he is to people you think are friends they might try to take him. I understand that and all but what are you suppose to do when you and your mate as young married couple needs advise from older married couples. As a young person I recognize that my elders are the tree of wisdom and we need nutrients from that tree to learn and grow. So my question is what is a new wife(or soon to be wife) to do? Please leave comments.
A Black Woman Living In Pain
