There was a
status that came across my page a few days ago. It spoke about how
people can't always tell when people are in pain. How people can be
in so much pain but have the biggest smile on their face. Or even
when they tell you that they are hurting they don't let on how much.
Well I am one of those people. I used to just say I'm fine but I am
trying to be more open with my feelings. It seems however not to be
taking that way. In fact when I tell people anywhere near how I am
feeling it feels like I am making them feel bad and I don't like that
feeling. So I grin and bare it or at least try to.
I make the
mistake of thinking that a lot of people in the world think like me
and that's not true. I like to think that especially since other
people are in pain that they would understand but they don't always.
In fact some people can be down right mean. I am the nicest person
but I am starting to become aggravated because being in pain and
taking shit from people is nothing nice. There are only so many times
that you can think about other people and what they must be going
through to make your life a living hell while there is pain racing
through your body.
It doesn't help
that I am very young, which is another way looks can be deceiving.
There is a saying that we (African Americans) say all to much to
people younger then us; “You ain't hurting you too young to feel
that way.” Even though it has been ingrained inside me since birth
I try so hard not to say that to my son or anyone younger than me. I
know how it feels to look like you are 20 and feel like you are 85.
Lately I have
really been messed. I have been flaring up from the fibro, my legs,
feet, and ankles have been swollen everyday. I have had a sore throat
for at least two months. There are plenty days were it hurts so much
to move my leg across the bed let alone walking. Do you know however
how hard it is to convey that feeling to people that have no idea?
I get the
feeling that people don't fully believe me when I say that I am in
the amount of pain that I am in. What really hurts is that it is
people close to me sometimes don't understand. I am constantly
holding back tears on an everyday basis. Yet to some all I do is
complain. I am trying to live life for me and to do that sometimes
you just have to let your pain out. I am used to holding everything
in especially my pain. I am trying to find my balance. If you all
have any ideas please share them.
Read, Share,
Learn
Ablackwomanlivinginpain
