While the computer was down

9/1/11

Isn’t funny how I want to write every day but because my mind is so jumbled with stuff you can’t even get a whole sentence out. Then as soon as your computer is out repairs for weeks and  you are reduced to pen and pad that’s when you get the writing bug.

                My life has been good lately but with the good must come the bad. I breathing and alive but my health could be better (who’s couldn’t though.) I have a fiancée but we are still trying to figure each other out. Something we have waited all our lives for. It’s just that we are making sure that this is real because I am not trying to get married to get divorced. Don’t get me wrong I love him with my everything but he does have his ways (as I am sure I have mine.) We are planning a wedding and we don’t even have a “beer budget.”  Then my darling son is having a barrel of problems and no none of these problems have anything to do with my relationship.  Awwww… did I take away the easy answer? (Sorry didn’t mean to be mean Just a little on edge.) He is just not in a good place right now. Did I mention that I have had this big writer’s block for like ever. Even my hair is all over my head cause I don’t have the strength to do it myself. I feel so helpless. I am at my heaviest weight I have been at since ever! It’s hard to move because my body is breaking down.

                I feel like I am an old ass woman and I am only 28 years old. I can’t walk a block without needed to stop and sit down. It’s not because of my size. Although a lot of the time I do have to catch my breathe but I believe that is because of the asthma. I can’t walk because It hurts like hell my back starts twisting into this huge ball. The only thing that will stop it is my sitting down and relaxing. I have to cook in the kitchen with a chair. It’s just really mixed up right now.

                Ok this is what I wrote while my computer was out please leave your comments.

Yours with love,

A Black Woman Living In Pain

Blessings

The Lord is blessing me, right now, lord right now!

Am I still hurting? Lord yes! Are some things in my life still worrisome? Of course. Sometimes however you have to look at the things going right in your life, because if you are constantly focused on what’s wrong then you will surely go crazy.

So I would like to take the time out to give thanks to my family; My parents, sisters and brothers, my son, friends, and (not new but different) addition to my life; my man. He is the nicest, sweetest, caring  man that I know. He takes care of me and in turn makes me feel better. I love him so much that sometimes I feel like I am going to burst. One day last week I was going through something really emotional. I couldn’t even talk all I could do was write. He sat there behind me and rubbed my back the whole time. Never said a word just rubbed my back and kissed my shoulder. It was just what I needed and it made me love him even more. I met his family yesterday and they like me which is great because I like them as well.

Ok I am done gushing about him for now. The other thing that I am thankful for is the internet. I know weird right? What I am really trying to say is that the internet has made it so easy for people with common interest and aliments to get together and support each other.  So times you can feel like an island. If you feel that no one understands you. I am glad to have found groups and blogs where I can share and learn from people going through some of the same things that I am going through. If any of you all have Lupus there is a great group on facebook called Lola vs. Lupus. You all should check it out. Well I just wanted to drop a quick note. Hope to read from you guys soon.

Peace

A Black Woman Living in Pain