Cry

I have noticed that I have stopped watching the news and I'm a little out of the loop. It really is a shame but i can't watch or read the things that I used to because it scares me I know that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear and I am working on it. However when I hear about something or see something going wrong in the world or shoot it could be on the moon I tend to take it all on put it on my back. I want to help everyone in the universe that needs help. I cry all of the time when I see people or animals being mistreated or in a bad place. There is so much stuff going on in my life with my life that I am crying on my own I do not need extra. Does that make me a bad person because I believe I am just tried and need a break. I have been taking on people’s pain since I was a little kid. Always worrying about what is going on with this and that.

Please comment and let me know how you feel

A black woman living in pain

letters to the brothers

 Dear Brothers ,

Please let me start by saying this is not a put down. Women are just a little tried of being mistreated, mishandled, and misappreciated . When we are trying to have a conversation with you that has to do with our relationship you need to pay attention. Every time we try to tell you what’s going on with us you call it nagging. But we give the silent treatment and we are being a Bitch. We have to understand that you all have to watch your football /basketball/ baseball / hockey whenever you all have to watch to fulfill the fantasy that you all had growing up. However you feel like you all don’t have to listen to any of our feelings or talk to us about anything. Let me be the first to tell you that is B.S.

NOTICE: I’m About To Get Real. If you want a woman, not a girl or regular female, but a woman to not only open up her legs but be juicy for you need to reach her mind and her heart. Why do we as woman have to be the one to give up shit. You mean to tell me that you as a man get to watch all these sports which take up most of your time then with the little time you do give me I can’t talk about my feelings. Who in the hell do you think you are?

If you guys see a big butt and some supple breasts you all are usually ready to go however with women we need just a little bit more. Well actually a lot more we need to feel safe, loved, and looked after. Men you can’t do that without listening at least a little. This is the last thing I going to say.

The more you open up and listen to a woman the more she will open up to you in all ways.

A black woman living in pain

Hardheaded

                Why is it so hard to explain some things to hardheaded people? I have been though this I think I might know what I am talking about, at least a little bit. For instance people act like they don’t believe how much pain I am in on a daily bases.  Do you know how much better the world will be if we just listened to each other? There will be less misunderstandings, less fights, hell even less debt. But no there are just too much stubbornness in the world for that to happen. I know that I am stubborn sometimes but I always remember that I can learn from another person. Shoot I know the smartest man knows he knows nothing at all. It just pisses me off to the highest level of pisstivtity (yes I made up the word) when people don’t listen at all. Don’t they know you can’t grow that way.

Just a little rant!

a black woman living in pain

While the computer was down

9/1/11

Isn’t funny how I want to write every day but because my mind is so jumbled with stuff you can’t even get a whole sentence out. Then as soon as your computer is out repairs for weeks and  you are reduced to pen and pad that’s when you get the writing bug.

                My life has been good lately but with the good must come the bad. I breathing and alive but my health could be better (who’s couldn’t though.) I have a fiancée but we are still trying to figure each other out. Something we have waited all our lives for. It’s just that we are making sure that this is real because I am not trying to get married to get divorced. Don’t get me wrong I love him with my everything but he does have his ways (as I am sure I have mine.) We are planning a wedding and we don’t even have a “beer budget.”  Then my darling son is having a barrel of problems and no none of these problems have anything to do with my relationship.  Awwww… did I take away the easy answer? (Sorry didn’t mean to be mean Just a little on edge.) He is just not in a good place right now. Did I mention that I have had this big writer’s block for like ever. Even my hair is all over my head cause I don’t have the strength to do it myself. I feel so helpless. I am at my heaviest weight I have been at since ever! It’s hard to move because my body is breaking down.

                I feel like I am an old ass woman and I am only 28 years old. I can’t walk a block without needed to stop and sit down. It’s not because of my size. Although a lot of the time I do have to catch my breathe but I believe that is because of the asthma. I can’t walk because It hurts like hell my back starts twisting into this huge ball. The only thing that will stop it is my sitting down and relaxing. I have to cook in the kitchen with a chair. It’s just really mixed up right now.

                Ok this is what I wrote while my computer was out please leave your comments.

Yours with love,

A Black Woman Living In Pain