Choked

Tears are like my feelings afraid to come out.

Screaming, shouting, bouncing off the walls of my soul.

The one person I thought I could share everything with I end up hiding myself from...

When I dare venture to step on that rickety old bridge,

I am quickly cast over the side by the barrage of foul words that come from your mouth.

I never thought I would heard you speak to me in such a way.

However there you are voice loud, bass in your words, and a frown on your face.

Fear washes over me and my words gets stuck in my throat.

I choke on the truth trying not to upset you,

Because even though you're not thinking about my feelings.

I am consistently thinking of yours. 

-Cherlnell "Cookie" Denham

Heartbreak Depletion

I am suffering from the worst kind of heartbreak there is the kind that are made with a pure heart. Heartbreak that is served with no malice only a heavy heart that hates the fact that it had to break your heart in the first place. Heartbreak is so much easier when you dislike the person doing the breaking or the person dislikes you. You can just say they did that to me because they don’t like me or this was their plan all along.

I am not a person that falsely loves even though some people may think that I fall quick. However long it takes me when I fall I fall hard. I am so open to love and have always been. I don’t understand why I can’t get find that compatible, open hearted, loyal love that I long for. Maybe I’m not ready but if that is the case why allow me to love so hard and so much. It’s like getting stabbed again and again. I really am tired of the ins and outs, the ups and downs.

I give my all every time however I always get pieces and percentages. Fractions of the hole they leave in me. They always feel that someone else is more important to spend their time with, someone else to shower with their love. They pull from me and I don’t even think that they know that they deplete me never quite filling me back up even when they try.

So I walk around a shell of a woman trying to keep this heart intact even though it’s bleeding out with no hopes of a transfusion. Hoping that I can keep it together until the right person comes along who will cherish my love and replenish my heart with love of their own.